First Sunday in Lent

Grace be to you and peace from God our Father and the Lord and Savior Jesus Christ. Amen.

The season of Lent is about confession, and here is a confession from me: I really like true crime stories. I like to read about them, listen to them on podcasts, and follow them on TV.

Last week, I watched a four-part series called “Love Fraud”. It followed a man named Richard Scott Smith and his victims. Richard is a charmer who loves picking up women. He knows how to make them feel cherished. They fall for him in no time. After a whirlwind dating period, he often suggests moving in with them after a couple of weeks and getting married after a month or two. He himself can’t remember to how many women he has been or still is married. Often, he was married to more than one woman at a time, which is of course illegal.

Richard would woo these women and sweep them off their feet. As soon as they trusted his love, he started asking for financial favors, for being put on their bank accounts, for a new motorcycle or car or boat, for money to open a restaurant. And then he would disappear. With the money. He would move, come up with a new alias and a new story, and do the same thing all over again.

The documentary follows some of his exploits. But it also follows several of his victims who banded together and hired a bounty hunter to find him and get him arrested. He is eventually caught and brought to trial. In spite of his many victims and in spite of the fact that domestic abuse was also part of the accusation, he is sentenced to only 12 months. He is released on probation after six months. Immediately, he starts picking up women again. Unbelievable.

The most unbelievable part of the documentary to me was his demeanor and attitude in the interview he gave the documentary filmmakers while he was in prison. There he sits, in his prison jumpsuit in a locked room, and tells them that none of this is his fault, and that the women are lying, and that he is the victim in all of this, that he is deeply hurt by their actions, and that these women and these filmmakers are out to ruin his life.

In fact, at one point, he tells the filmmakers that they have ruined his life but that he forgives them. He says that with tears in his eyes and his voice shaking.

This is man is a true narcissist. Here are some behavior traits of narcissists:

Narcissists have a sense of entitlement. They think that they are better than others and deserve special treatment.

Narcissists have a need for admiration and praise. They crave constant validation from others and brag about their accomplishments.

Narcissists have a lack of empathy. They are unwilling or unable to empathize with the needs, wants, or feelings of other people.

Narcissists flaunt rules or social conventions. They believe themselves to be superior to rules and social norms.

Narcissists have disregard for other people. They see themselves as superior to others and can become rude when they don’t get the treatment they think they deserve.

Narcissists engage in manipulative behavior. At first, they will try to please and impress you, but eventually, their own needs always come first. They can be really charming, but the moment they don’t get their way they can get very rude or even violent.

Narcissists’ gifts always have string attached. Gifts, both tangible and intangible, are used to get something in return.

Narcissists have a very hard time maintaining long-term relationships. Due to their lack of empathy, their need for ongoing praise, their high opinions of themselves, and their disregard for other people and social norms, living with a narcissist is very exhausting and painful.

I had watched the documentary, and I remembered everything I had learned about narcissists, and then I sat down and read the assigned Bible readings for today. The connection with narcissism blew me away.

For sure, the devil is a narcissist. He is oh so charming when he approaches Jesus. He makes all kind of offers of gifts he will give Jesus. He thinks he has the power to give away the kingdoms of the earth, which is rather delusional. He tries to manipulate Jesus by adopting his habit of quoting from scripture. He wants to be admired, wants Jesus to fall down and worship him. He has, as far as we know, no long-lasting, healthy relationships with other beings.

Plus, we know from other stories that his gifts always have strings attached, always come at a price. Yes, he can he can be a sweet talker, but the moment he doesn’t get his will he can turn quite nasty. The devil is a narcissist.

The question in today’s gospel story is: Will the devil be able to turn Jesus into a narcissist? All the temptations we read about describe the behavior of a narcissistic person.

“If you are the Son of God, command these stones to become loaves of bread.” You are special. You are the Son of God. You have powers. You deserve to use them for yourself. Why would God give them to you if not for your own benefit? Come on, treat yourself. You deserve it.

“If you are the Son of God, throw yourself down [from the pinnacle of the temple] for it is written, ‘He will command his angels concerning you,’ and ‘On their hands they will bear you up, so that you will not dash your foot against a stone.’ ” Nothing bad will happen to you. Come on, live a little, take some risks. Break some rules. Only losers follow the rules. But you are special, you are the Son of God; rules don’t apply to you.

“All these [kingdoms of the world and their splendor] I will give you, if you will fall down and worship me.” You deserve to be rich. You deserve to have power. Other people should adore you and obey you. You are entitled to that.

Reading the devil’s challenges through the lens of narcissism opened a whole new dimension for me. The devil is trying to get Jesus to become a narcissist. He wants Jesus to use his status and gifts from himself, for his own benefit.

Imagine the devil had been successful. Jesus’ life and ministry would have been totally different.

He would never have gathered 12 disciples, let alone 70, who follow him for days and months. Nobody would have gotten to know Jesus well enough to believe in him and to carry on the gospel mission after Easter.

Jesus’ gifts would have had strings attached. He would heal you, but then expect something in return. He would forgive your sins, but then burden you with a new expectation.

Jesus would not have been the humble servant who washes the feet of his disciples and touches the leper. He would have been too special for that.

Jesus would not have died on the cross. Remember how he says during the passion that he could have called armies of God to defend him? Well, a narcissistic Jesus would have done exactly that. He would never have let himself be crucified, let alone doing so for other people. A narcissist has no empathy for other people; why should he died for them?

If the devil had been successful and had turned Jesus into a narcissist, he would have derailed Jesus’ ministry and mission right then and there, before it ever took off. Jesus had just been baptized and proclaimed to be God’s beloved Son. Immediately, the devil swoops in and tries to ruin that identity and the behavior that goes with it, ruin the love and compassion Jesus was called to bring into the world.

We are so very blessed that Jesus remained firm. Jesus rested so securely in his identity as God’s Son that the devil couldn’t shake him. Jesus’ sense of call was so powerful that the devil could not derail him. Jesus would fulfill his mission and in doing so, change and save the world, including us.

Jesus was baptized, proclaimed as the Son of God, sent on his mission, and then the devil tried to warp him. That is our story, too. We have been baptized. At our baptism, God rejoiced in us and called us beloved sons and daughters. We received a candle while we heard the call: Let your light so shine that others see your good works and praise your Father in heaven. We have been given the mission to let the light of God’s love and mercy shine into the world.

Along comes the devil and tries to get us off track. Again and again, the tempter bombards us with messages to encourage us to live for ourselves; to place ourselves at the center of our universe. Almost every commercial has that message: You are special; you deserve this or that. Peer pressure tempts us to forget the rules and have fun. Capitalism tells us to enjoy whatever we want, no matter how that might affect other people. Society teaches us to always ask what’s in it for us.

Jesus models a different way of life, and calls us to follow his path. Jesus wants to give us strength to resist the devil’s temptations, to resist becoming a narcissist and instead live as the beloved child of God that we are, live with love and compassion, generosity and empathy, humility and service.

In the short run, that might seem harder. When those devilish voices talk to us, it is challenging to resist.

Then it’s good to realize that in the long run, Jesus’ way leads to a much more blessed life.

Narcissists can’t maintain healthy relationships. And yet it’s healthy relationships that determine the happiness of our lives more than any other factor. A Harvard study has followed a large number of men from different backgrounds for 70 years. Every year, they interview them and ask them about their lives and their happiness. The number one factor that determines whether or not one of these men is happy is whether or not he has trusted, long-term relationships in his life.

Narcissists don’t have that. They don’t have good marriages, good connections with their children, friends, colleagues who hang out with them. None of their human connections last because of their narcissism.

Jesus wants us to be happy. Jesus wants us to be connected in life-giving relationships. Jesus wants us to be part of the body of Christ, the family of faith, where we support and comfort and challenge and cherish one another. This is so important that our congregation made that it’s mission: As followers of Jesus, we are called to be an inclusive and compassionate community, where everyone is connected in relationship with God and each other to foster wholeness of mind and soul.

In this season of Lent, we focus more than usual on our faith struggle against the tempter’s voices. May we resist the urge to become narcissists. Let us look to Jesus, who won his battle with the devil and who, out of love and compassion for us, died for us on the cross, rose from the dead, and offered us the gift of salvation – no strings attached. May that assurance of grace give us the strength to follow the path Jesus led, the path into life-giving relationships with God and one another. Amen.